Black Dahlia

Dark Humor in 200 words or less.

I killed Elizabeth Short.

This is not a confession. Never that–there’s no statute of limitations on the crime of murder.

But honestly, I’ve gotten away with it for nearly eighty years. I need a little credit for that.

Now…full disclosure…I didn’t mean to do it. It was an accident. I was trying to film a commercial for the invention that was going to make me a millionaire.

The Indestructible Monomolecular Double-Dutchenator 3000.

Miss Short just had the misfortune of being the worst at jumping rope.

It was so sad. She had the work ethic to be a great actress. Even after she missed her mark on the first two takes, she dug deep and said, “Tis but a scratch! Have at you!”

Poor thing didn’t know the meaning of the word “quit”.

I couldn’t tell anyone what happened to her, but I could make sure her last words would be remembered. Every time I was around actors, directors, or comedians—those words were never far from my lips.

“Tis but a scratch! Have at you!”

I think Elizabeth would have liked the fact that they ended up in a comedy. The Black Knight and the Black Dahlia, together forever.

Again, this is not a confession…but now you all know.